


Her Choice

by xHookedonKillianx



Series: Choices [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:50:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6342766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xHookedonKillianx/pseuds/xHookedonKillianx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's asked her to tell him what to do a number of times, but she can't.</p><p>Because if she did, she would tell him to come home with her, to let his brother move on, and stay with her.</p><p>But she could never do that, she could never ask him to choose her over his family, just like he would never ask her, and it's not because she believes that he wouldn't if she did ask. No, that wasn't the problem at all.</p><p>The problem was that she knows that he would do it. He would do anything she asked of him, she needed only to say it.</p><p>But she wouldn't. It was his decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Her Choice

**Author's Note:**

> His Choice was supposed to be a One Shot, but so many of you asked for a Part Two and my thought bunnies wouldn't stop until I wrote it. Even if my heart is killing me right now for it.
> 
> I decided to post it in it's own and just make this a series. Thanks to all who have already read it :)
> 
> Spoiler's for 5x15

_This is a dream, this is all a dream._

Emma repeats to herself over and over in her mind throughout the night. He's asked her to tell him what to do a number of times, but she can't.

Because if she did, she would tell him to come home with her, to let his brother move on, and stay with her.

But she could never do that, she could never ask him to choose her over his family, just like he would never ask her, and it's not because she believes that he wouldn't if she did ask. No, that wasn't the problem at all.

The problem was that she knows that he _would_ do it. He would do anything she asked of him, she needed only to say it.

But she wouldn't. It was his decision.

Emma squeezes her eyes shut again and pulls her hand away from his. He tries to keep his hold, but eventually relents.

_This is a dream, this is all a dream._

But it wasn't.

It was reality.

When the sun starts to peak its way into the room more, their sobs finally go silent. All that is left are quiet sniffles and choked breaths.

Emma stares out the window and she knows they can't stay there forever. She forces herself to sit up and her body physically aches when she hears his forehead drop to the mattress. Since the moment he pressed his forehead against her back, she felt safe.

The smallest touch from him was all it took, and now that it was gone, she felt hollow. But it's nothing compared to the emptiness that she felt after he died. Before she knew she could go save him.

No, that emptiness was dark and heavy.

Emma laid on that couch for hours as she stared up at the ceiling. Her body seemed numb, but she hurt all over. She was tired, but couldn't sleep. Even though her eyes were open, she saw his face, but when she tried to close them, him dying replayed in her mind over and over.

She had felt pain before, loss, but she always knew, deep down, that she would overcome it. Growing up alone with having no one to depend on but yourself made your heart strong and your skin thick.

But Emma knew, she just knew, she wouldn't get over Killian dying. She saw no future for herself beyond the couch her father had laid her on.

She just felt… empty.

And now he was right in front of her but she could feel that emptiness creeping its way back into her.

Every cell in her body screams out for his touch but she ignores it. It takes all the energy she has to lift her arm up and wave her hand over her face.

She hears him move and feels her magic course through her as he rounds the bed to stand before her. She takes a deep breath when the energy from her magic fills her and though it isn't much, it makes her feel like she's at least slept.

"You can't keep doing that," his voice is low and hoarse.

"It works," she whispers back.

Tears continue to run down her face and she wonders if they will ever stop.

From the corner of her eye she sees him shake his head and run his fingers through his hair. "You need sleep."

 _I need you_ , she wants to tell him but she keeps quiet and stares at his boots. Yesterday, they were scuffed with holes and dirt covering them. Now they looked brand new.

Killian drops to his knees in front of her and she closes her eyes. He whimpers and puts his arms on each side of her on the bed.

"If you won't let me hold you, will you at least look at me?"

His voice is laced with so much hurt and it pains her. It actually feels like somebody has reached into her chest and is squeezing her heart.

But no, that wasn't possible, because her heart was stuck in her chest, still fully hers.

She hears him choke out another sob as he rubs his hand and hook over the bed spread.

"Emma," his voice sounds so broken. "Don't…"

"Killian," she chokes out. "I'm not… I'm not trying to punish you… I…."

Her voice cuts out as she starts to sob again. Her chests heaves and all she wants to do is fall into his arms because it's the only time she ever feels safe.

Emma can feel his arms move again. She knows he's itching to hold her as much as she's itching to be held.

She feels weak, weaker than she has ever felt in her entire life and all she wants to feel is strong. But the only time she has ever felt strong was when he was beside her.

"Let me hold you," he begs. "Please."

She knows that she can't. She knows that if he puts his arms around her, that it will only make it worse when they aren't.

" _Don't you see? You never let him choose! It's always about_ you _and what_ you _want and how_ you _feel. Every bloody thing that has happened to him has been because of you!"_

Emma squeezes her eyes shut tighter as Liam's words echo through her mind.

He was right.

Killian begged her to let him go in Camelot because he knew wouldn't be able to fight the darkness, she didn't listen and turned him into the Dark One.

He begged her to let him go and die a hero to save them all, because if he believed he deserved to go to the Underworld. She didn't listen and came to the Underworld to save him.

Now she was refusing to let him seek comfort by holding her because she wanted to guard herself from her own heartache.

Emma opens her eyes and looks at him. What she sees crumbles her resolve. He's knelt before her with a look of absolute despair on his face and his cheeks wet with tears. She wails and falls forward into his arms.

Killian lets out another sob before he quickly catches her and pulls her to him. They both cry as they hold each other. Their hands brush and squeeze every chance they get, but it doesn't seem to numb the pain, it only intensifies it.

His hands make their way to her face and he kisses her with a bruising force. Her mind tells her to push him, that she couldn't handle having kiss her, but her heart and body tell her something else. She grips him hard and tries to pull him even closer.

Killian rips her jacket off of her shoulders while she fumbles with his belt.

_Once more, just one more time._

She hears a tare as his hook rips her shirt from her body and she shivers. Emma shakes her torn shirt off as her the button of her jeans flies off. His hook rips her jeans and panties until he can rip them off. When he pulls her into his lap and slams himself into her, his own pants are only pulled down half way, and his shirt and vest are only half unbuttoned.

They both cry out as he lifts her hips and forces her to slam down onto him again.

Last night was about showing each other their love, but this was different. This was primal.

With every thrust and grunt, Killian was marking her. Making her his own and she lets him.

Because she wants him to take her, mark her, leave her with something to hold onto.

He moves her body like she's a ragdoll, up and down onto him. His grunts and moans loud in her ear, the scruff on his cheek leaving her skin red and raw.

Killian reaches up to yank her bra strap down and latches onto her breast. Her head flies back as she cries out in pleasure and her nails rake down his back. His lips move back up to her neck and she can feel him suck her pulse into his mouth.

Emma leans her head forward and takes a bite out of shoulder. He growls and slams up into her harder.

His right hand moves to cup her face and he forces her to move her head to him. She squeezes her eyes shut as he rests his forehead against hers.

She can feel his breath on her lips, short, deep puffs that match her own. She's not even sure if they are breathing in actual air from the room or the air they are producing from their lungs.

"I love you," he huffs out as their bodies move.

Tears once again escape from her behind her closed eyes and she sobs.

"I love you more than anything, Emma," his voice is raw.

She moves her hips faster and bites her lip. The room fills with moans and grunts. Emma squeezes her thighs against his waist and he growls before he pumps harder.

"So…" pump. "Bloody…" another pump.

"Perfect!" I cry out.

"Look at me, Emma," he pleads.

Her eyes squeeze closed tighter.

"Please," he chokes out.

She shakes her head and he kisses her lips. His tongue forces its way into her mouth as his thumb rubs her tears across her cheek.

His hand moves back to her waist to move her hips faster. His hand grips and his hook digs. She feels a sting as the tip scratches against her, but it's not a sting of pain, but of pleasure, and when his hook pokes a hole into her skin she moans.

Killian's grunts are loud and his thrusts are primal.

"Tell me you love me," he sobs and she doesn't hesitate.

"I love you, Killian," she moans out.

Her hands find their way to his hair and she pulls to pull his lips to hers again.

"Again," he growls against them.

"I love you," she wails.

She can feel herself climbing toward the edge. His fingers tighten on her waist and he yanks her even closer.

"Open your eyes."

The way he says it isn't a plea, it's a demand and her eyes fly open. Green connect with blue and she suddenly knows what she has to do.

She told him she couldn't make the decision for him but she knew she had to. She had to be strong for the both of them.

Emma had to let him go.

A loud sob escapes her body and she pulls him closer. Their lips and noses brush together, but they never look away. Her hands squeeze tighter in his hair.

This was it, this was the last time that she was ever going to feel him, the last time they would ever be one.

She licks her lips and takes a deep breath.

"Tell me something," she breathes.

"Anything," Killian whimpers.

Her hands brush over his face, the tips of her fingers wet from his tears.

"Tell me something I can hold onto and never ever let go," she begs.

Killian moves his right hand up her body and takes her chin into his fingers. His eyes shine bright with tears but there's a look in them that she's only ever seen once before.

When he told her to kill him.

"Let go."

Their cries echo off the walls as the both crash into each other. The light bulbs in the ceiling fan and lamps shatter while the glass in the windows shake so hard they crack, but Emma and Killian ignore glass raining down and keep their eyes on each other.

When the pleasure ends, their moans stop, but their sobs continue. They hold each other as they cry, their bodies shaking, and their hands brushing over available surface they can touch.

Emma's chest feels heavy as she sucks in a breath and moves her left hand to her jacket. His brows go together but she pulls him in for a kiss to distract him.

She finds his ring in the pocket of her jacket and clutches it in her palm. Killian sobs as she pulls her lips from his, but she had to do this before it was too late.

"Emma," he whispers in her ear but she keeps quiet.

Her right hand lifts to the back of his neck and a tiny white light expels from her finger tips. She moves her hand through his hair and she can fell the spell working.

His eyes search her own but she stays quiet. Emma's hand runs down his face and over this eyes. He pulls back slightly when he sees the white light but doesn't move far enough for their touch to break.

Emma whimpers as her fingers trace the scar on his cheek before brushing over his lips.

"What are you doing?" he asks in a whisper.

She bites her bottom lip and traces his jaw. His eyes move down to watch her hand as it moves over his necklace then down his arm. Her fingers wrap around his hand and she brings it in between them. The white light continues as she moves it.

Emma lets out a stuttering breath as she leans down to kiss each ring and Killian sobs.

_A reminder. That all sins can be forgiven when someone loves you._

She puts his hand down and reaches over for his left wrist. There's a trace of blood on the tip of his hook and he sucks in a breath.

"Emma, are you…"

She shakes her head.

"I'm fine," her voice is low and her throat hurts.

He tries to argue but stops when he sees the light from her fingers grow brighter as they trace over his hook. When she's sure she has touched every inch the light in her fingers goes away and her sobs return.

"Emma," he sobs and holds her tighter. "Love, please…"

Her left fist drops his ring back into her pocket and she lifts herself off of his lap. They both whimper as he falls out of her, and she waves her hand. When her magic repairs her clothes and dresses them both, she kneels before him and takes his hand in her own.

Emma keeps her eyes on their hands and forces herself to speak.

"You have to go," she chokes.

"What?" he gasps.

New tears run down her face.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks in horror.

She holds back a sob and shakes her head. "No."

Killian forces her to look up and their eyes connect. Her hands run down his arms then back up.

"I don't want you to go. I want you with me always," she wails. "But you have to."

He huffs out a breath and shakes his head. "You're pushing me away. You're putting up…"

Her hands go to his neck and she slams her mouth to his. They kiss like it's the last time they will ever kiss because it is.

"I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone," she tells him. "You told me years ago that you would win my heart, and you did. I couldn't push you away if I tried."

Killian coughs out what sounds like a chuckle. "Could have fooled me."

She grips his neck and stares into his eyes.

"I need to make something very clear," she tells him.

Fresh tears run down his face as he lets out a stuttering breath.

"I have _always_ wanted you," Emma tells him with determination.

His mouth falls open and she presses her hands onto his neck tighter.

"Every time I acted like I didn't. Every time I acted like you didn't matter… every time I shut you out. I've _always_ wanted you."

She has to brace herself as he sags into her with a sob. It was the deepest darkest secret she's ever had and she finally tells him.

Emma wraps her arms around his back. He buries his face in her neck. The sobs were endless as she rocked them back and forth.

"But you think I should move on?"

"Yes."

Killian leans back and his fingers lace through her hair. "But why?"

Emma shakes her head. She feels raw and bare but she knows that she has to tell him.

"I want you to be happy. That's all I want. You deserve to be happy. If you move on, you're guaranteed happiness with Liam…"

"How can I be happy without you?" he cries in a whisper as he leans back to look at her.

Emma's heart breaks when she sees his face scrunch up as he tries to hold back his sobs. She reaches forward and cups his jaw.

"You will be. You're moving onto a better place."

He shakes his head. "How can it be a better place if you're not there?"

Her hands wipe at his tears as his hand and hook move to her arms.

Killian's eyes move frantically over her and her heart bursts at his words, "I can't imagine a happy ending without you. Without your arms," he reaches up and brushes his fingers over her face. "Your face."

They both sob. He leans forward and his lips kiss hers.

"Your lips. Your heart," he chokes out.

Killian moves his head down and kisses her chest over her heart.

"How do you know?"

She looks up at the ceiling and her chest tightens. She knows that as soon as she tells him the last thing, it would be it. He will know the truth and he will listen to her and move on.

"On my way here, when we were on the boat, I had a vision."

Killian looks up at her with his brow together.

"Neal came to me."

His eyes go wide and she forces the words out before she loses the courage.

"He's not here. He's moved on. He wanted to let me know that he was happy, and when I saw him, he didn't look sad, or heartbroken. He looked at peace."

Killian chokes out a sob and leans forward to put his head in her lap. She runs her fingers through his hair.

"So that's how I know. It may not seem like it right now, but once you move on, all of this pain, all of this doubt… it'll all fade away and you'll be happy."

He sobs louder than she's ever heard and he wraps his arms around her waist. Her own tears drip down onto the back of his head while she rubs his back.

"Every heart ache, every pain that you've ever felt," she whispers as she leans down and brushes her lips on his hair. "It'll all go away, and you deserve that, Killian. You deserve that more than anyone else that I know. Even if you don't think so yourself."

Killian shakes his head in her lap and holds her tighter. Her hands move back to his face and she forces him to move back up to her. They lean their foreheads together while she rubs his face.

"You do… for so long I've been selfish. I've ignored everyone else's feelings and only thought about my own," she whispers. "You asked me back in Storybrooke to let you be strong. Now I'm asking you the same. Let me be strong, Killian. Let me give you the happy ending you've been searching for."

"You're my happy ending," he sobs.

"Happy endings aren't always what we think they will be," she repeats her mother's words back to him.

His eyes squeeze shut and his hand grips her thigh. "I don't want to lose you."

"And I don't want to lose you," Emma cries before she leans forward and brushes her lips against his. "But I need to let you go."

It was in that moment Emma knew, she thought she knew before, but in that moment, there was no doubt.

Captain Hook… Killian Jones was her one True Love, and she was going to lose him forever.


End file.
